For nearly a decade, Drew Pisarra worked in AMC Networks Digital Department on behalf of such shows as “Mad Men,” “Rectify,“ and “Breaking Bad.” His one-acts have appeared off-Broadway while his poetry has been featured in “Poydras Review,” “Thin Air,” and “St. Petersburg Review” among other publications. “Publick Spanking,” a collection of his short stories, was published by Future Tense.
i’ve become so small since seeing you or
more like from how little you see me now
and how not seeing you makes me feel for
you see i see myself more now in how
i am perceived than how i came to be
this way and how wee our we has become
and how that came to pass this me not me
no me myself and I the total sum
a some less thing or a thing less same than
i would want it but it is what it is
and what it is isn’t and you’re not and
i can’t and we were but we aren’t this
thing that i miss that never truly was
but i wish wishing made it so because
Why articulate an abstract idea
so divorced from quantifiable facts
when I can calculate what was real
and what’s not, old friend. No, I won’t retract
my foolish belief that our feelings were
deep, so deep they defied all convention.
Were we lovers? Soul mates? Something greater,
less twee? We kissed in multi-dimensions
and redefined a relationship as
“two parts brain paired with one part emotion.”
If it didn’t add up, still I let it pass,
settling for far less than devotion.
Our whatever was a false equation
based on mistruths and a cruel evasion.
How dare you ask my apartment number
as if you hadn’t been here 34
times, as if we hadn’t spent those late nights
kissing and humping each other dumber,
as if my address somehow slipped your
mind, as if you’d forgotten those six flights
you’ll have to climb. Again. I bet I’ll smell
liquor on your breath, likely taste the one
hundred proof sweated out of your armpit
and neck not long after I hear the bell
letting me know it’s time to buzz you in.
But as for the next time, should you forget:
6 is for half-dozen, E is for egg.
Get your ass up here before I renege.